Written by: Joash Lee (Photo by: Marvin Ng)

Giving thanks through cancer

Reading the church weekly bulletin for prayer requests and updates, it is not uncommon to see a list of people’s names and their illnesses. I’ve always read it and thought that illness was such a distant thing — unfamiliar and peculiar — until it found me.

In late February 2014, I experienced some sort of pain in my left testicle. The pain was bearable, thus being the man that I am, I shrugged it off and thought that it would go away. However, it was a nagging pain — it was not excruciating, but you know it’s there.

I was stubborn; I refused to tell anyone about it and let alone see a doctor. I thought it would be embarrassing to tell anyone, even my parents, so I kept mum and just tahan all the way. The only person who knew about it was God, as I constantly prayed for the pain to go away.

A few weeks later, the pain started to increase. I was so uncomfortable that when I was in lectures, I would squirm in my seat, enduring the discomfort. Until it became unbearable did I go to a polyclinic to get it checked. I was quite scared because my testicle was swollen and painful.

After the doctor examined me, he referred me to a urologist at National University Hospital, and he cautioned me to tell the nurse, “Ask for an appointment, tell them it’s urgent. Urgent ah!” By this juncture, I was freaking out and feared for my life. As I was in university, I thought about all the work that was undone, and started to panic.

When I saw the urologist, he told me that it was just an infection. However, when I returned for my ultrasound results, he gravely told that the results were not good. I had a lump on my left testicle, and the entire testicular tissue had died. I needed to get it removed immediately, and there was also a small chance that I had contracted cancer.

I was shocked beyond belief. I thought, “I am fairly healthy, I exercise frequently, and my immediate family has no history of cancer, how could this happen?”

I was also upset. Not so much at God, but upset because I might no longer have the chance to do all the things I had wanted to do. I ruminated on my future, and about how I had wanted to get married, settle down, and play volleyball with my kids. I also thought about my upcoming trip to Buffalo in August and wondered if I could still go. There were too many uncertainties.

When my doctor released the results of my CT scan and blood tests, he was distraught. I had cancer. Tumour markers in my blood were high; it was fortunate that were no enlarged lymph nodes, meaning that it hadn’t spread to the rest of the abdomen. I was so unsettled and saddened that it knocked me to my knees in prayer, beseeching for strength and deliverance from the One who could save me.

During the period when I was about to go for surgery, it was the Easter weekend. When we sang “Jesus There Is Power In Your Name” in church on Easter Sunday, it spoke to me greatly. I felt God’s assurance for me; although I was weak, there was nothing that He couldn’t do.

Even though everything in my life was uncertain, I knew that I could place my certainty in Him. I started to feel a sense of peace that came over my soul. I got a text from my girlfriend, Huiyuh, who also told me that she too experienced a newfound peace during service on Sunday. This was no coincidence: God was assuring us.

* * *

Today, I am cancer-free. Through this entire experience, I’ve learnt to thank God in all circumstances. This might seem counter-intuitive, but the urologist told me that I was “fortunate” that there was a manifestation of pain and infection; otherwise, I wouldn’t have found out about the lump until it is too late.

Yes, there have been moments where I’ve asked God, “Why?!” But I’ve come to know that this life is given by God — it is a privilege and a blessing. We can either choose to blame God or we can believe that His ways are higher than our ways. When I was undergoing chemotherapy, I was still unsure of what He had in store for me, but it taught me trust, that He is in control of everything. I also learnt to lean upon His word, especially John 16:33b (NIV): “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

If you are currently wrestling with cancer or are going through a tough time, I want to encourage you to share your problems with your close friends. My parents and girlfriend were pillars of strength for me as I healed over; they were instrumental in helping me tide through this difficult time. Find people to support you in prayer because prayer can move mountains (Matthew 17:20). They might not understand exactly what you’re going through, and you might feel alone fighting the battle, but these people are pressing alongside you, spurring you on to not give up.

Most importantly, know that God is always there. Always. If He says He will never leave, He will never leave. Trust in the unfailing One to deliver you.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://selah.sg/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/1.jpg[/author_image] [author_info] JOASH is a huge Manchester United fan with a love for photography and social media. He’s thankful for a job that allows him to do both for a living! Connect with him at: http://joashxlee.wordpress.com. [/author_info] [/author]