Written by: Amanda Teo (Photo by: Isabel Phua)

When restlessness pulls us out of God’s intended purpose

We are all familiar with restlessness. Whether we realise it or not, restlessness has made its home in our hearts at some point of our lives.

It is that dire need for rest, which is torrentially conflicted by waves of anxiety. Sometimes, restlessness is stirred by that violent desire to ‘do something’, and yet not knowing what that ‘something’ might be. Other times, restlessness is that bitter dissatisfaction with current circumstances, and the confusion about the next step ahead. Restlessness, to me, is the inability to remain still and quiet in our spirits.

“My season in this ministry is up.”
“I can’t wait to graduate from Uni, and start my career”
“I’ve been working in this company for more than 2 years — it is time to move on.”
“We’ve been together for 5 years now, we should settle down.”

These scenarios are like fidgety jellyfishes beached onto the shore from waves of restlessness. Such statements also tend to be berthed in times of transition: a change of course, the discovery of uncharted waters, or sailing a new route. Whether in the spheres of our career or ministry, relationships or education, we are often found in transition. Our souls wrestle with the idea of moving forward or quitting, allowing restlessness and anxiety to percolate into our quivering heart.

When I turned 19, I was in a long-drawn tussle with my own wave of restless; “when will it be my turn to get attached?” More than the external enquiries of my (vacant) ‘relationship’ life, an internal battle warred upon my soul as I grew restless in singlehood. As much as I enjoyed the freedom from committing to someone, I found myself falling in love with ‘love’, my heart swirling in romance and fantasy. As my soul pined for a relationship, my trust in God’s timing began to erode, leading to a dependence upon my own understanding and emotions. I grew insecure, causing that rest in my spirit to become elusive. While God whispered, “Amanda, trust in Me and rest in my grace,” I’d still choose to feed my delusional idea of romance.

Instead of waiting, I was relishing for something new to germinate in my ‘love’ life. Instead of resting in His perfect timing, I was tempted to go ahead of God’s leading, running forward by my own understanding. I quickly lost sight of the original intent of why God’s positioned me in that situation. In such slow-going seasons, we can grow easily tired and give up on finishing our present race, leaving our purpose at hand incomplete. This is when restlessness emerges, where we find that our desire to move out of our boring or dreadful circumstance shoves away the peace and stillness in our spirits to listen to Him.

Restlessness also tends to cause us to make ‘ultimatum’ statements like, “If I don’t get an increment, I’m quitting.” This could even occur when it comes to our ministry in church where we tell God, “I don’t care, three more months and I’m stepping down.” We make such statements when our spirits are wrestling with restlessness. A restless spirit reduces the magnitude of God’s perfect plans to our limited human perspective and understanding.

As I got older (and in the beauty of retrospect), I came to learn His perfect plan for my season of singlehood, in which He drew me so much closer to the Father’s heart and helped me to truly find my identity in Him.

For some of us, we could dread moving on or starting afresh. There is such comfort in the current season, such that we cling onto familiarity. We question the call to move forward and doubt what lies ahead should one let go, eventually leading to restlessness and deep furrows on our brows. This often leads to unnecessary worry, causing us to make statements like: “I don’t think I can find a job that I love.” “What if I fail this new project?” “I don’t see how this is going to work out.”

A restless spirit breeds pride and unbelief. When we choose to trust in God and to humbly surrender our dreams, our spirits shall find rest in the love and grace of God.

It has been four years since I started questioning God about my seemingly empty ‘love’ life. At times I may still ask, “when will it be my turn to get attached?” However, I now find myself in a posture of rest and trust, believing that my God is faithful in writing a beautiful story of my life. I have found incredible rewards in running this marathon of singlehood well, knowing that He will open the door for me to run into a relationship with such wholeness in my spirit when He has completed this chapter of singlehood in me.

If you find yourself restless in your current season today, no matter the differing circumstances, my challenge to you is to wait. God is not done with this interval. Whether it has to do with your fading passion in your ministry or that trying circumstance in your job, may you be still and wait upon the Lord.

“So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. So let us do our best to enter that rest.” Hebrews 4:9-11

Be faithful with what God has already entrusted to you, instead of reaching out for more when your hands are full. There is a reason why you’re still circling Jericho, a purpose for the journey towards His promised land for you. Don’t grow restless in the desert place, He is surely bringing you to a river. Don’t give up, don’t turn back, don’t stop. Be faithful with the little.

“You made us for yourself and our souls are restless until they rest in You.” – St Augustine